Thursday, October 2, 2008

falling to my death

This blog has been designed intentionally to bring humor to my less than humorous situation. But I can't help but still feeling like writing seriously rather than humorously. With that said, I think some of the more humorous things that happen to me are when I am medicated. I just get these weird, bizarro thoughts. Like walking down to the kitchen to grab a drink in someone elses house in the middle of the night has prompted the following scenario to develop:
So I needed a drink and the house is dark. Very dark. I might suggest that the Miller's invest in night lights. And as I'm walking down the stairs in the pitch blackness I wonder what would happen if I tripped or fell somehow. What would go through my mind as I tumbled down the stairs? And what would I do if, say, I broke my legs or something that would make getting up impossible. Should I lay at the bottom of the stairs and get comfortable until morning time when I will be discovered. Or should I shout for help? That would just be weird. "Hey guys... can you hear me? I'm stuck down here at the bottom of the stairs... guys??" That would just be dumb. Plus, I would feel badly for waking the family up in the middle of the night. I could drag my pathetic body over to the couch and just sleep it off. That's a decent option. I could perform an amputation of my arm. That would have nothing to do with the actual fall or the broken leg. It would just keep me occupied. Here's an even better thought. What if I got knocked unconscious? Picture me on the floor, out like a lamp, and someone else decides they too need to come down for a middle-of-the-night beverage and they step on me! No, no... they don't step on me. They trip over me and land right on their head, and now they too are unconscious, laying in a pool of blood from the laceration on their head that they sustained from the fall. Now there are two bodies at the bottom of the stairs. And when morning finally arrives what will the person who discovers the two bodies think? "Oh my gosh! What's going on here?? Better get my poking stick to start prodding them awake." 9-1-1 isn't an option...why? Because I said so. I make these scenarios up and I can do whatever I want. Only to find out that April has actually died. She went peacefully in her sleep, so no need for tears. As for the second victim, it turns out there will be no long term effects. Just emotionally scarred.
In conclusion, I would just like to say that until those night lights get installed I will not be venturing out into the wilderness in search of drink. You should take my advice on that one too. Don't go wandering around someone else's house in the middle of the night. You may end up dead at the bottom of their staircase.
You know something, I just remembered being at a friends house and tripping down her stairs, tumbling to the bottom and landing right in the doorway of her roommates bedroom. Talk about embarrassing. And slightly awkward. We kinda just looked at each other and I crawled away.
I could always invest in one of those elderly person's medical alert bracelet... "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Giving Birth

Push April, push!
Awww.... your baby is beautiful! What will you call her?
"Bloggy! Her name is Bloggy and she is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. No matter her father abandoned me whilst being preggo, I will love her nonetheless."
What the heck am I even talking about?
uM, This is my new blog. I think thats the point I'm trying to make.
And it is here you will find updates on my ever increasing dramatic life.
Fare thee well.
I like crack.
Bye.