Friday, April 10, 2009

Fear and dependence.

Well, today was a disappointing day. A crap load of stress was unloaded right onto my shoulders. I'm still trying to just shake it off. My dad called and said he spoke with my insurance company and they DENIED my referral to the surgeon I saw in NYC. Which means I have to pay out of pocket, $450. That's a lot of money for someone who doesn't have ANY kind of income. Some divine feeling of peace came over me at that moment, and I thought "what can I do? This is all out of my hands. I'm totally depending on God, and this is right, He wants this." So I suspect that things are going according to His plan. I hope that my body being healed is part of the plan. I really do.
The headquarters for my dad's company is in Florida, so for whatever crazy reason, the insurance HQ wouldn't mind sending me to Florida to see a surgeon. I don't mind going where ever (April's Nationwide Search for a Surgeon), but I am starting to get concerned about money. My family is not equiped to handle my health crisis and I feel terrible draining everyone's resources. I don't know what we're going to do, but back to what I said earlier... I'm totally dependent on God because He's the only one who is big enough for all of this.